Any Man [Fucking Crazy]

[Verse 1]

Hi! Original Bad Boy on the case, cover your face

Came in the place, blowed, and sprayed Puffy with mace

I laced the weed with insect repellant, better check the smelly

Eminem starts with E, better check the spellin'

With a capital, somebody grab me a Snapple

I got an aspirin capsule trapped in my Adam's apple

Somebody dropped me on my head, and I'm for sure

That my mother did it, but the bitch won't admit it was her

I slit her stomach open with a scalpel when she was six months

And said "I'm ready now, bitch! Ain't you feelin' these kicks, cunt?"

The world ain't ready for me yet, I can tell

I'll probably have a cell next to the furnace in Hell

I'm sicker than sperm cells with syphilis germs

And I'm hotter than my dick is when I piss and it burns

I kick you in the tummy until you sick to your stomach

And vomit so much blood that your clothes stick to you from it

Hit you in the head with a brick 'til you plummet

If y'all don't like me, you can suck my dick 'til you numb it

And all that gibberish you was spittin', you need to kill it

‘Cause your style is like dying in my sleep; I don't feel it

[Hook]

‘Cause any man who would jump in front of a minivan

For twenty grand, a bottle of pain pills, and a minithin

Is fuckin' crazy – you hear me? Huh?

Is fuckin' crazy – hello, hi!

‘Cause any man who would jump in front of a minivan

For twenty grand, a bottle of pain pills and a minithin

Is fuckin' crazy – do you hear me? Is fuckin' crazy

[Verse 2]

I'm ice-grillin' you, starin' you down with a gremlin grin

I'm Eminem, you're a fag in a women's gym

I'm Slim, the Shady is really a fake alias

To save me with in case I get chased by space aliens

A brainiac, with a cranium packed

Full of more uranium than a maniac Saudi Arabian

A highly combustible head

Spasmatic, strapped to a Craftmatic adjustable bed

Laid up in the hospital in critical condition

I flatlined, jumped up, and ran from the mortician

High speed, IV full of Thai weed

Lookin' Chinese with my knees stuck together like Siamese

Twins, joined at the groin like lesbians

Uhh, pins and needles, hypodermic needles and pins

I hope God forgives me for my sins

It probably all depends on if I keep on killin' my girlfriends

[Hook]

‘Cause any man who would jump in front of a minivan

For twenty grand, a bottle of pain pills, and a minithin

Is fuckin' crazy – you hear me? Ha?

Is fuckin' crazy – hello, hi!

‘Cause any man who would jump in front of a minivan

For twenty grand, a bottle of pain pills and a minithin

Is fuckin' crazy – do you hear me? Is fuckin' crazy

[Verse 3]

Last night I O.D.'d on rush, mushrooms and dust

And got rushed to the hospital to get my system flushed

(Shucks!) I'm an alcoholic, and that's all I can say

I call in at work, ‘cause all I do is frolic and play

I swallow grenades, and take about a bottle a day

Of Tylenol 3, and talk about how violent I'll be (RRARRRRH)

Give me eleven Excedrin, my head'll spin

Medicine'll get me revvin' like a 747 jet engine

Scratched my balls 'til I shred the skin

"Doctor, check this rash! Look how red it's been!"

"It's probably AIDS!" "Forget it then."

I strike a still pose and hit you with some ill flows

That don't even make sense, like dykes using dildos

So reach in your billfolds for ten ducats

And pick up this Slim Shady shit that's on Rawkus

"Somethin', somethin', somethin', somethin', I get weeded."

My daughter scribbled over that rhyme, I couldn't read it

[Hook]

‘Cause any man who would jump in front of a minivan

For twenty grand, a bottle of pain pills, and a minithin

Is fuckin' crazy – you hear me? Ha?

Is fuckin' crazy – hello?!

‘Cause any man who would jump in front of a minivan

For twenty grand, a bottle of pain pills and a minithin

Is fuckin' crazy – do you hear me? Is fuckin' crazy

[Outro]

Hi, something's not right

I'm sorry, I'm mentally retarded

Slim Shady, I think that's my name

Rawkus Records, fuckin' crazy

Do you hear us? We're fuckin' crazy!

All of us! Hi… bye… goodnight, somethin'

• Artist:Eminem
• Album:Rawkus - Soundbombing II (1999)