Can I Bitch [Canibus Diss]

[Intro]

(I, I wanna grow up too)

"Uncle Marshall, will you tell us a bedtime story?"

Here we go!

[Verse 1]

Now, once upon a time not long ago

There was a little rapper about to blow

But his album came, and it was not good

I think it went lead or double copper-wood

So these silly little fans, they were misled

By a nerdy Internet computer hip-hop head

"Me and you, Clef, we're gonna make some cash."

"Grab this silver paint and just paint my ass."

Hey, mister, would you care to bear witness to

The ass-whippin' I'm about to administer

To this ass-kissin' little vaginal blister?

Stanibus, little Marshall Mathers' sister

And in this corner, we have the "Mr

Not-Havin'-It," it's the Mad, sinister

Dr. Evil, with his bag of tricks for

This little antagonistic faggot

Dick-sucking ex-LL Cool J fan from Windsor

I'm 'bout to murder little Kenny-Fag-Kaniff-sta

You bastard, I ain't wanna have to diss ya

Canibus, where the fuck you at? I miss ya!

[Hook]

Canibitch, oh, Canibitch

Wherefore art thou, Canibitch?

Please tell me what happened with

That style that you were rappin' with

Canibitch, oh, Canibitch

Are you from Los Angeles

New York, or just a janitor

From Canada? Oh, Canibitch

[Verse 2]

Now, at first, I ain't really understand this shit

Picture me, for a second, and imagine it

Chillin' in the Bat Mansion relaxin' when

All of a sudden some bullshit comes across the scanners, it's

Canibitch, on some 'Stan Lives' shit

It creeped me out at first; man, this is sick

But me, bein' just as sick, this conflict

Gets my dick harder than arithmetic

And I know how you jealous ones envy

I shoulda knew better from the first few letters you sent me

The first two letters, you were tellin' me shit like

You respect me, like any other regular MC

The third letter, you asked how come I ain't return

None of the messages at Shady Records you left me

The fourth letter: "Slim, you're really startin' to upset me."

The fifth letter told me you were comin' to get me

The sixth letter, there's a bomb threat on our building

This crazy motherfucker's really tryna kill me

So I went back and read the first few letters that said

Some shit about a message you left

Oh shit! That's not a E, that's an A!

This dude wants to leave me a 'massage,' he's gay!

Right away, I'm on the phone with Dr. Dre

"We got a bogey," "Marshall, I'm on the way."

[Hook]

Canibitch, oh, Canibitch

Wherefore art thou, Canibitch?

Please tell me what happened with

That style that you were rappin' with

Canibitch, oh, Canibitch

Are you from Los Angeles

New York, or just a janitor

From Canada? Oh, Canibitch

[Verse 3]

So, in two seconds flat, Dre's at my crib

Only thing is, we both know where this kid lives

And neither one of us have Canadian citizenship

"Shit. Oh, Dre, wait a minute, that's it!

All we gotta do is use a bit of turbo-boost

We can fly over the border!" "Let's Go!" [whoosh]

So we're off to Toronto and we're gainin' speed

"What was that? Oh, Jermaine Dupri."

"Fuck it," keep goin', no time to waste

"Wait, back up. Hit him one more time, in case."

"Okay," fuck, now he's draggin' under the car

"Oh well, only thirty more thousand miles!"

Meanwhile, me and Dre are tryna conversate

Just tryna find a reason for the constant hate

And tryna figure out what happened to 'Germaine Propane'

"He couldn't have fell off that hard." Ain't no way!

What happened to the way you was rappin'

When you was scandalous?

That Canibus turned into a television evangelist!

Plus, he raps with his regular voice

[Four impacts] "What was that?" "Pet Shop Boys."

So, we pull up to the bridge where he last was spotted

His corpse was still movin', but his ass was rotted

And he kinda smelled a little like Courtney Love

I figured if I stick him with a fork, he's done

So I stabbed him twice, kept jabbin'—Christ!

He won't die! This guy's like a battered wife!

He's like Kim: he keeps comin' back for more

But he won't fight back, I cracked his jaw

Hold up! 'Bis, quit foldin' up!

Punch me in the chest, make my shoulders touch

Do something! At least one punchline!

Come on! 'Til the meter reads Nine! Nine! Nine-

Ty nine percent of my fans are blond!

'Bis, come on, answer me, man, respond!

Tell me 'bout the sun, rain, moon and stars!

Intergalactical metaphors from Mars!

Raw to the floor, raw like Reservoir Dogs!

Bite another line from Redman's song!

Suddenly, the stub of a dead man's arm

From a midget reaches out from under the car

It's J.D.! This motherfucker won't die, neither!

Dre starts sprayin' him with cans of ether

We swamped the bitch in it; stomped the bitch again

"Compton!" "Detroit, bitch, talk some shit again!"

"Stomp him!" "Switch feet!" "Stomp him!" "Switch again!"

"Dre, all right, he's dead, dog, quit kickin' him!

I think Stanibus jumped off the bridge again!" ("Ahh!")

"Damn," "He disappeared, yo, he's gone, he did it again!"

[Hook]

Canibitch, oh, Canibitch

Wherefore art thou, Canibitch?

Please tell me what happened with

That style that you were rappin' with

Canibitch, oh, Canibitch

Are you from Los Angeles

New York, or just a janitor

From Canada? Oh, Canibitch

• Artist:Eminem
• Album:Straight From The Lab (2003)