Handy lyrics

First thing's first I'm a craftsman

Remodeling is my only passion

And i 'm da greatest in da bidness1

Want referrals, yo? My clientèle will bear you witness

(Right right) I can help when your door jam sticks

There is nothing in the world that I can't fix.

I do tiles I do stone I do bricks

Call on me I'll come rushin' with my bag of tricks (bag of tricks)

Where do you go when your disposal is rusted

Termite problem making you disgusted

Or when your front window is busted

Just one name that's always trusted.

I'm so handy

You already know

I'll fix your plumbing

When your toilets overflow

I'm so handy

Bring you up to code

When your dishwasher's

Bout' to splode'

Well you see that your furnace is needing some service

I'm fully bonded, no need to be nervous

Perhaps you would like a new counter, Formica

Maybe I'll hook up this here combo washer dryer

But all your pipes are antique

Your water pressure too weak

You got a an attic full of dry rot 'cause your roof sprung a leak

Your fridge is starting to reek

Your hardwood floors really squeak

Don't worry, I'll just show you my amazing technique

Now let me glue dat, glue dat

And screw dat, screw dat

Any random chore you have to do, well I can do dat, do dat

Well, maybe I will rewire your house for fun

I got 99 problems, but a switch ain't one

I'm so handy

Everyone says so

I'll grout your bathroom

Resurface your patio

I'm so handy

I'm the guy to know

When your leaf blower

Doesn't blow

Patch the drywall

Clean your gutters and mow the lawn.

Make that phone call

I'll install anything you want (yeah)

Check my big staple gun

My socket wrenches are second to none

I won't quit 'till I'm done

Don't even care if I hammer my thumb (OOWWWW)

Still rocking my screwdriver

Got the whole world thinking I'm McGyver

Your heating bills are shocking

I can solve that with some duck tape and some caulking

Your house is a disaster, huh?

Need a guy who's a master with the plaster, huh?

Let me be you stripper

Taking off lacker, no one does it quicker

I'm so handy

You already know

I'll beat all price quotes

My hourly rates are low

I'm so handy

You should call this pro

I'm in the phone book

And se ablar espanol.

1. intentional mispronunciation of "business"

• Artist:Weird Al Yankovic
• Album:Mandatory Fun