If I Had...

[Intro]

"Life," by Marshall Mathers

What is life?

Life is like a big obstacle in front of your optical to slow you down

And every time you think you've gotten past it

It's gonna come back around to tackle you to the damn ground

What are friends?

Friends are people that you think are your friends

But they really your enemies with secret identities

And disguises to hide they true colors

So just when you think you close enough to be brothers

They wanna come back and cut your throat when you ain't lookin'

What is money?

Money is what makes a man act funny

Money is the root of all evil

Money'll make them same friends come back around

Swearin' that they was always down

What is life? I'm tired of life

[Verse 1]

I'm tired of backstabbin'-ass snakes with friendly grins

I'm tired of committin' so many sins

Tired of always givin' in when this bottle of Henny wins

Tired of never havin' any ends

Tired of havin' skinny friends, hooked on crack and Mini Thins

I'm tired of this DJ playin' your shit when he spins

Tired of not havin' a deal

Tired of havin' to deal with the bullshit without grabbin' the steel

Tired of drownin' in my sorrow

Tired of havin' to borrow a dollar for gas to start my Monte Carlo

I'm tired of motherfuckers sprayin' shit and dartin' off

I'm tired of jobs startin' off

At $5.50 an hour, then this boss wonders why I'm smartin' off

I'm tired of bein' fired every time I fart and cough

Tired of havin' to work as a gas station clerk

For this jerk, breathin' down my neck, drivin' me berserk

I'm tired of usin' plastic silverware

Tired of workin' at Builder's Square

Tired of not bein' a millionaire

[Chorus]

But if I had a million dollars

I'd buy a damn brewery and turn the planet into alcoholics

If I had a magic wand

I'd make the world suck my dick without a condom on

While I'm on the john

If I had a million bucks, it wouldn't be enough

Because I'd still be out robbin' armored trucks

If I had one wish, I would ask

For a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss

[Verse 2]

I'm tired of bein' white trash, broke and always poor

Tired of takin' pop bottles back to the party store

I'm tired of not havin' a phone

Tired of not havin' a home to have one in if I did have one on

Tired of not drivin' a BM

Tired of not workin' at GM, tired of wantin' to be him

Tired of not sleepin' without a Tylenol PM

Tired of not performin' in a packed coliseum

Tired of not bein' on tour

Tired of fuckin' the same blonde whore

After work, in the back of a Contour

I'm tired of fakin' knots with a stack of ones

Havin' a lack of funds and resortin' back to guns

Tired of bein' stared at

Tired of wearin' the same damn Nike Air hat

Tired of steppin' in clubs, wearin' the same pair of Lugz

Tired of people sayin' they're tired of hearin' me rap about drugs

Tired of other rappers who ain't bringin' half the skill as me

Sayin' they wasn't feelin' me on "Nobody's As Ill As Me"

And I'm tired of radio stations tellin' fibs

Tired of JLB sayin', "Where hip-hop lives"

[Chorus]

But if I had a million dollars

I'd buy a damn brewery and turn the planet into alcoholics

If I had a magic wand

I'd make the world suck my dick without a condom on

While I'm on the john

If I had a million bucks, it wouldn't be enough

Because I'd still be out robbin' armored trucks

If I had one wish, I would ask

For a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss

[Outro]

You know what I'm sayin'?

I'm tired of all of this bullshit, tellin' me to be positive

How am I 'posed to be positive when I don't see shit positive?

You know what I'm sayin'?

I rap about shit around me, shit I see

You know what I'm sayin'?

Right now, I'm tired of everything

Tired of all this player-hatin' that's goin' on in my own city

Can't get no airplay, you know what I'm sayin'?

But hey, it's cool though, you know what I'm sayin'?

I'm just fed up, that's my word

• Artist:Eminem
• Album:The Slim Shady EP (1997)