Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin lyrics

[Cousteau]

Jacques Cousteau, here to spit flow

Invented Scuba, captained the Calypso

Palme d'Or-winning documenter of the ocean

Ready to battle a desperate, sweaty showman

You're chunky and soft, you get on my nerves

You're the only manatee I don't want to conserve

My Life Aquatic was adventure and beauty

I'm so cool, Bill Murray played me in the movie

I have Oscars, you're in Dr. Dolittle 2

So run back home to your daddy's zoo

And just to be clear, 'cause I'm no veterinarian

Were you killed by a fish kids pet at the aquarium?

[Irwin]

Holy smokes, what a place to go

You'd need a submarine for a blow that low

You better run! You better take cover!

'Cause crikey, I'm going from 'croc' to 'Jacques' hunter

Have a look at this salty fella

His face looks like it's made of pure leather

Look out! He's got the body of a naked mole-rat

He's cranky 'cause he has to wear a Papa Smurf hat!

I'm a wild man, you're a subdued sub-dude

The only crocs you could handle are some slip-on shoes!

And crikey, you're such a boring guy

You could make a whole show about the ocean dry!

But with the sheilas you sure had fun

Your mistress was as young as your first-born son

You never should have stepped to the wildlife defender

Now embrace your French nature and quietly surrender!

[Cousteau]

Talk about sons? Better watch what you say now

You almost turned yours into Outback Mistake House!

[Irwin]

Would you rather talk about your brother? Oooh boy!

Nazi, Nazi, Nazi! Oy yoy yoy!

[Cousteau]

Enough of your antics and madness

Contain yourself, like my underwater breathing apparatus

You're a joke of a bloke in a tacky khaki romper

Go grope a nope rope, crocodile humper!

There's a type of snail, recently discovered

And named after you; I'll eat them with butter

Hey Skippy the Bush League Kangaroo

Hold the 'dee', I'm Crocodile Dun with you!

[Irwin]

Where ya going, fella? Hang on a minute

Like a joey in a pouch, this ain't quite finished

Take a look how destructive your old films are

Silent World? More like Silent WorldStar!

If you wanna count fish, please take the reef tour

Don't go throwing C-4 on the seafloor

I'm the gold medal rhymer on the podium

Cleaning you up like a Jacques Custodian

I'm Mother Nature's greatest conservationist

When I rock the mic, I'm danger danger dangerous!

So go back down under with your crew

I just blew through you like a didgeridoo!

• Artist:Epic Rap Battles of History
• Album:Season 6