The Dirtiest Song That Ain't lyrics

I've been 'round for a long time

And I learned along the way:

If you wanna go on the radio

There are words you just can't say!

Well, I thought hard about it

And I found a way around it

Help me go on the radio, you gotta say the words I can't.

You got to sing along to make this song

The dirtiest song that ain't.

Come on, ma'am, won't you give me your hand

And say the words I can't?

You got to sing along to make this song

The dirtiest song that ain't

Down in Carolina

I met a girl with a nice [...]

So I reached down between us

And I whipped out my [...]

Skipped right past the suckin'

And got right down to [...]

She turned and said: "I gotta ask,

Would you slip it into my [...]?"

Help me go on the radio and say the words I can't.

You got to sing along to make this song

The dirtiest song that ain't.

Come on, ma'am, won't you give me your hand

And say the words I can't?

You got to sing along to make this song

The dirtiest song that ain't

Her husband was a trucker

He was a filthy mother[...]

I didn't wanna wrastle

With this no-good stinkin' [...]

I heard him come through the kitchen door

When I was bangin' his filthy [...]

I knew I'd end up in a ditch

If he caught me ridin' his [...]

Help me go on the radio and say the words I can't.

You got to sing along to make this song

The dirtiest song that ain't.

Come on, ma'am, won't you give me your hand

And say the words I can't?

You got to sing along to make this song

The dirtiest song that ain't

"Mercy, please!" I told him,

But he grabbed me by the [...]

And he did something heinous

He exposed his [...]

I said "I don't mean to seem crass,

But why are you buttering up your [...]?"

He said "My wife's a beard, and she lured you here.

'Cause I'm queer and I love it in the [...]"

Help me go on the radio by saying the words I can't.

You have to sing along to make this song

The dirtiest song that ain't.

Sir and ma'am, thanks for lending a hand.

By saying the words I can't.

You have to sing along to make this song

The dirtiest song,

The filthiest song,

The dirtiest song that ain't.

• Artist:Aurelio Voltaire
• Album:Riding a Black Unicorn Down the Side of an Erupting Volcano While Drinking from a Chalice Filled with the Laughter of Small Children