Vlad the Impaler vs Count Dracula lyrics

[Vlad the Impaler]

Imagine forests of corpses, dripping on a buffet

You call that a nightmare? I call that a Tuesday

Vlad Dracula, spawn of the devil

Dipping my bread in your weeping blood vessels

Scorched the Earth from Hungary to Wallachia

I inspire fear, you inspire Count Chocula

Stepped to the Turks and the bodies started dropping

Put my foot on Ottomans like I was furniture shopping

I save my stakes, no need crucifix

I kill you with Olive Garden garlic breadsticks

I butcher men, women, and children like cows

Put more meat on swords than Fogo de Chão!

[Count Dracula]

Does this mic still work after that blah, blah, blah?

Check one...two...ah, ah, ah!

The flex of a rear-spearing princeling can't vex me

'Cause I nibble necks and I make it look sexy

I'm Universally known for intrigue and desire

I shapeshift into mist and bone Winona Ryder

Slick hair, popped collar, and a damn nice cape

While you've got less taste than an Anne Rice cake

Your rhymes are empty, like I leave vascular systems

I'd grant you the privilege of being Dracula's victim

But the thought of biting you makes me get nauseous

You don't look like the type that's keen on neck washes!

[Vlad the Impaler]

Did you shapeshift those punchlines? 'Cause they mist

Your skill's like your reflection: it doesn't exist

I'll turn your taint to a 'tis, when I put a stick through ya

Haven't seen a sucker this soft, since Bunnicula

Get beat by Count Dracula? You're smoking crack-ula

I dunk on your whack-ula raps like I'm Shaq-ula

I'm Vlad to the bone, Vlad the hat-nailer

Vlad the commits heinous acts on rats, ask the jailer

You leeched my name, you pale son of a bitch

And your weak ass gets beat by the sun at the beach

Your slick hair and cape are all flappy razzle-dazzle

But at end of day, you're a bat and that's only half a battle!

[Count Dracula]

Wow! I did not know that you could read

That's great. Now, let's see if you can bleed!

Ha! You thought the sun could kill me? Not true

I'm the vampire so cold they call me Nosfer-achoo

My syllable delivery is devilishly intricate

I rock the house, once I'm invited into it

And here's a tidbit that you can stick a stake up

You're losing so bad you should join Team Jacob!

Renfield!

- Yes, master?

Call a doctor, not Seward

'Cause Vlad the Impaler has just been skewered!

• Artist:Epic Rap Battles of History
• Album:Season 6