Why can't the english lyrics

-Aoo-ooo-ouw!

-Look at her, a prisoner of the gutters!

Condemned by every syllable she utters!

By rights, she should be taken out and hung,

For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue!

-Aaaaoouw!

-Aaaouw- Heavens what a sound.

This is what the British population

Calls an elementary education.

-Come sir, I think you've picked a poor example-

-Did I? Hear them down in Soho square, dropping aitches everywhere,

Speaking English any way they like!

Uh, You, sir, did you go to school?

-What d'you tike me for, a fool?

-Well, no one taught him 'take', not 'tike',

Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse,

Hear a Cornishman converse-

I'd rather hear a choir singing flat.

Chickens cackling in a barn,

Just like this one-

-Garn!

-Garn...- I ask you sir, what sort of word is that?

It's 'aoouw' and 'garn' that keep her in her place,

Not her wretched clothes and dirty face.

Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?

This verbal class distinction, by now, should be antique!

If you spoke, as she does, sir, instead of the way you do,

Why you might be selling flowers too!

-I beg your pardon!

-An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him-

The moment he talks he makes some other Englishman despise him!

One common language I'm afraid we'll never get.

Oh why can't the English learn to set

A good example to people whose English is painful to your ears?

The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears!

There even are places where English completely disappears-

Well, in America they haven't used it for years!

Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?

Norwegians learn Norwegian,

The Greeks are taught their Greek.

In France, every Frenchman knows his language from A to Z-

The French don't care what they do, actually,

As long as they pronounce it properly.

Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning,

The Hebrews learn it backwards which is absolutely frightening!

Use proper English you're regarded as a freak,

Oh why can't the English learn to speak!

• Artist:My Fair Lady (Musical)