A new year means more than crowded gyms for a few weeks: All across the world, people are vowing to make 2011 the year they finally start a band. And when they do, they’ll need a name—and chances are, it’ll be inane. Every year, The A.V. Club sees thousands of band names, so we like to consider ourselves experts in noting the memorable ones. Like its predecessors, 2010 provided a bounty of silliness, forced toughness, and further testament to the unbreakable will of bands insisting on putting exclamation points or the word “funk” in their names. Behold!
Movie references
We Can’t Bury Shelley
Hudson Mohawke
Scarlett O’Hara
How cute—they have the same hair stylist as Justin Bieber!
Jackie And The Treehorns
Fuck Your Yankee Blue Jeans
Earth Girls Are Easy
PS I Love You
Okay, technically not tied to the movie, according to Exclaim, but guilty by association.
(Stop Worrying And) Love The Bomb
The Simpsons/TV references
Who Shot Mr. Burns
Looks like Maggie was more successful here—it appears they broke up.
Bloodbath And Beyond
Song title: “Eat A Bowl Of Fuckstick.” May have changed their name to ZZ BOTTOM.
Knifey Spoonie
Guantanamo Baywatch
Band & song references
Say Like The French Say (Fugazi reference)
Depeche Node
Fuck
Fuck Fuck
Alaskan Thunderfuck
For a band seemingly named after a strain of marijuana, it has a bummer of a bio:
"A solo project to explore the notions of depression through imagery and music. Hopefully to captivate a single chord that expresses the way we feel when we are abandoned and capsized by that subtle feeling of melancholy."
The Fuck You Kiss My Asses
Big Fuckin Skull
"In the beginning, there was the Big Fuckin Skull… When or where It came from is unknowable and doesn't matter, but it was no doubt a really mean and shitty time and place. You know; the kind of time and place capable of producing a killer skull the size of Texas, filled with fuckin hatred."
The Fucking Hotlights
Angelfuk
Cutfucker
Sister Fucker
Ferocious Fucking Teeth
Shit
Turncoat Dropping Shit
Bring That Shit
Shit And Shine
“Four drummers, two bassists, one vocalist, all awesome.”
Shitty Advice
Shit Fight
Sex
Sextacy
Sexual Atrocities
“Formerly Screaming Afterbirth.”
The Fuk Holz
Sex Unicorn
The first Google result for this is for “the Polysoutheast Council”:
"If you’re looking for a real live sex toy or an interchangeable, faceless partner, rent one by the hour. Or you might try checking out swingers groups instead of poly groups, if sex is your primary goal. Unicorns are rare, and honestly, most of those you find in polyamorous groups are not interested in what you're offering."
Pop Culture Rape Victim
FistingYouENT
Vaginas
Vagiant
It has since changed its name to the less memorable “Tijuana Sweetheart.” Bummer.
Choice Cunts
V.A.G.
The Irish band’s name is short for “Very Angry Girls.”
Sparklepussy Barbie
Tits / Dangerous for Google Image Search
Bad Tits
Puffy Areolas
Scary Areolas
Dinosaurs
Stegosaurus Flex
Another one that has changed its name: Castlenova. That’s just generic, a step up from bad.
Thesaurus Rex
"Thesaurus Rex is the manifestation of all the ill shit I’ve conjured until now, lyrically."
Dubasaurus
Pterodacdudes
Bio: “dudes on, shirts off” R.I.P.—they played their last show in June.
Dead bodies
Corpse Timer
Polkadot Cadaver
Featuring former members of the egregiously named Dog Fashion Disco!
Annotations Of An Autopsy
Song titles: “In Snakes I Bathe,” “Prosthetic Erection”
A Corpse Vanishes
Diggin’ Up Grandpa
The longer, the better
Everybody Was In The French Resistance…Now!
The Bewitched Hands On The Top Of Our Heads
They’re French, so maybe it doesn’t sound as clunky in their native tongue
The Scattered Remains Of A More Glorious Past
The Slowest Runner In All The World
Everything You’ve Ever Known Is A Piece Of Light
The Mystic Order Of Reverb And Twang
The Dirty Marmaduke Flute Squad
Kevin Troy Boy Toy And The Almost Virgins Pajama Party
The World Is A Beautiful Place And I Am No Longer Afraid To Die
Destroy Rebuild Until God Shows
Song title: “Mr. Owl Ate My Metal Worm”
Who Cares How Long You Sink
Shallow Grave Satanic Symphony
This tells you what you need to know:
[pagebreak]
First person
I Am Committing A Sin
From the bio:
"Each phrase of their every song evokes within the listener stirring pangs of pleasure and intense spasms of euphoria. The formidable arsenal that is I Am Committing A Sin threatens a disturbance in the state of things, to the point of an epidemic, pestilence both degenerative and infectious."
Such talent was too much of a cross to bear: The band called it quits in June.
With My Tiny Hands I Kill You
Without You I’m Everything
Another name-changer now known as the suitably generic Passion Project.
And So I Watch You From Afar
Sorry I Stabbed Your Daughter
I Can Hear Myself Levitate
Winner, Year’s Most Face-Punchingly Emo Song Title: “The Coldest Abyss Of Your Heart”
MyChildren MyBride
We Are All Destined To Fail
Hope they found that bass player they were looking for before the big show opening for Mushroomhead!
We Repel Each Other
Song titles: “HiJacked Off,” “Out Of The Butt,” “Into The Fuck”
Second person
Kill You In The Face
Your Mom’s Pig Squeal
"YMPS may be a somewhat out-there name but does hinder them from claiming the LONSTAR state as there own."
Music Hates You
You Might Think We’re Sharks
Jesus, God, etc.
LudaChrist
Eve And The Apple
God Loves A Challenge
Mass Murder Messiah
Claimed by two bands! One from Montreal, the other from Wisconsin. But only the latter has a song called “Parasitic Bacterial Infections Of America.”
Andrew W.K. Memorial Category
Sorry For Partying
Drugs
Diet Cokeheads
"maintain your distance from the swamp-life. typically feeding by size, there is no difference between an ice cream cone, and a dripping yoni. burrito, and endowed phallus. your big hungry ass and a hummus platter. appetites are a force to be reckoned with. take it from us."
How I Quit Crack
CokeWolf
Drug Honkey
"Doom, sludge, and all things fucked up certainly play a role in this band, but an electronic, tripped out feel also encompasses their somber output, which evolves to a different plane with each passing song…Sit back, smoke up, and let yourself fall into Drug Honkey’s dark, dirty, and atmospheric mesh of sound."
Funk
Funk Dirty
Fever In The Funkhouse
Acu-Funk-ture
Sophistafunk
Funkiphino
“Colorado's funk sensation!”
Funktrek
Ska
Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra
Proper Names
Yid Vicious
Parasite Hilton
The Groucho Marxists
The Notorious MSG
Bin Laden Blowin Up
Bruce X Campbell
Bio: “BRUCE X CAMPBELL IS A 3 PIECE NOISE GRIND BAND. WE STARTED THIS BAND TO GET DUDES' NUMBERS.”
The Kevin Costner Suicide Pact
Shred Savage
Dick Wolf!
Delorean Grey
Richard Gear
P.S. Eliot
Drone Baez
The Courtney Lovers
Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr.
You’re so tough!
Arsenal Of Blasphemy
“Needs shows anywhere!” proclaims its Myspace page, which has one of the best band bios ever. An excerpt:
"However, Arsenal is no band to fuck with because they will fuck right back and steal your hoes from you. With a new look and a new view, Arsenal has been working on being more professional by beginning to network and advertise and not only looking at it as a band but their own private business that needs to take off or their fucked. To sum it all up Arsenal is some normal dudes, playing brutal music, partying our asses off and getting the money, pussy and respect!"
It’s signed “Legalize it… AOB.” Perfect.
Steel Blades Of Vengeance
Hammers Of Misfortune
FLESHWROUGHT
Lightning Swords Of Death
Their top six Myspace friends all look like the same band:
Diabolical Sacrilege
Sadistic Passage
And Hell Followed With
Once Upon Atrocity
Minus 50 points if that’s a Cradle Of Filth reference.
Charred Walls Of The Damned
Fleshgod Apocalypse
Dismember The Past
War From A Harlot’s Mouth
Father Befouled
Suppress The Delusion
Therapeutic Homicide
Spaces are for suckers
Itsnotyouitsme
Imadethismistake
For the gays
The Homoticons
Dadfag
Hilarious
Misantropical Painforest
Song: “Winds Saturate With Inhumane Longing”
The Vomit Arsonist
Truth in advertising
We Aim To Try
We Aren’t Very Good
Really Annoying When Repeated
!!!
We Should Whisper!
Now going by Lamoni, and apparently unaware that the Myspace Twitter widget shows ALL tweets, including replies:
Tiger! Shit! Tiger! Tiger!
Birth!
Regardless, He’s Caught!
Caw! Caw!
You’re Done For!
Dang! I’m A Boy
SUPERCUTE!
Bonjour, Ganesh!
Monsters Scare You!
Federal! State! Local!
Vampires Everywhere!
Wow, their hairspray expenses must be out of control.
[pagebreak]
Commas
Oh, The Irony
And I Was Like, What
Woe, Is Me
Apologies, I Have None
You, You’re Awesome
Strange punctuation
Man/Ass
A….B
Z is for…
Blooz Dogz
Hogz In Dandyland
Album: Across A Miracle
Whymzical Notationz
Grrlz Will Be Boiz
"One lesbian couple that played guitars, sang and wrote music together. Another lesbian couple not five minutes away that played bass and drums, sang and wrote music together. The lesbi-gravitational pull was just too much to avoid."
Kray-Z-Nutz
The League Of Extraordinary Gz
[facepalm]
Faith And The Muse
A Rose By Any Other Name
Change We Still Dream
Children Of The Almost
Sundried Truth
Dance Of The Mourning Child
A Sonnet To Silence
Fragile Utopia
Angels Of Babylon
Backseat Dreamer
A Crush On Yesterday
Shroud Of Despondency
Destruction Of A Rose
Romance On A Rocketship
The Loveable Tulips
Wishpenny
Coping
Teen Daze
The Love Hangover
Raven Nevermore
Barefoot Truth
Retards In Love
Shaman’s Harvest
Lying Naked With The Stars
Hippies
JammSammich
Texas Hippie Coalition
Great Unwashed Luminaries
Homeboy Sandman
Necro Hippies
Sweet Bunch Of Daisies
So-and-so and the so-and-sos
OJ And The Broncos
Rock’N’Roll Monkey & The Robots
Jennifer Markey & The Tennessee Snowpants
Dikkk Sexxx And The Weepy Teens
Woo-Man And The Banana
David Carradine And The Autoerotic Asphyxiators
Asian studies
Flied Lice
Ching Chong Song
“Brooklyn-based saw/piano duo”
Tribute bands
Think Lizzy
Pelvis Breastlies
Chink Floyd
Ugh
2 Tickets 2 Paradise
My Sweet Patootie
“country jazz”
Jazzsteppa
Atoms For Peace
40 Oz. Fist
The Booty Movement Coalition
Nonsensical
Nervous Curtains
Eine Kleine Chinmuzik
Piano Fondue
Sensible Nectar
Unicorn Basement
This Magazine Is Haunted
Why The Human Suit
Morning Teleportation
Do You Mean Australia
My Dry Wet Mess
Directives
Smell My Pillow
Kiss The Anus Of A Black Cat
Nuke The Soup
Begin By Gathering Supplies
“Begin by Gathering Supplies deliver an imaginative pastiche of dub-influenced rhythms, well placed, minimal bursts of electronica that range from the psychedelic to the muscular, spare but strikingly ambient guitar textures, earnest and, though never over-wrought, impassioned vocals, and socially conscious lyrics which are refreshing in their personal and prosaic, as opposed to didactic, content.”
Animals
Puppy Dogs And Ice Cream
Possible Swingers reference
Anything But Weasel
Come Fizzy Dolphin
The Bow-Legged Gorilla
Bird Ate My Donut
I didn’t see this until long after I added them to the list. Glad to make dreams come true! From their Myspace bio:
“Dream big. For Bird Ate My Donut, that dream is to one day make the Onion’s 'Worst Band Names' of the year list.”
To Speak Of Wolves
Prozac Rat
Basketball Animals
Puppies And Trains
Lizards Have Personalities
Lust-Cats Of The Gutters
Pink Gorilla Vs Panda Bear
Animals As Leaders
A Tiger Named Lovesick
Leeches Of Lore
Skank Wolf And The Mange
Myspace URL: myspace.com/hellslasthope666
Kids
Bastard Child Death Cult
Babies With Rabies
Stealing Wishes From Children
Fetus Heist
Ain’t No Er Like A Stripper
Zest Of Yore
Wrath Of The Girth
Bröhammer
Moistened Disciples
Rumpelstiltskin Grinder
Its Myspace page has a photo gallery of stills of its members banging their heads.
Nobody Beats The Drum
Bastard Sapling
Fat Worm Of Error
“WE ARE TERRIBLY ANTISOCIAL-NETWORKERS. USE NORMAL EMAIL. THIS IS JUST A DUMB BILLBOARD YOU SPRAY PAINT ON. DRINK BEER”
Strate Jak It
Stoked Beyond Boredom
Quieting Syrup
The Trendy Trendy Space Vegans
Logo:
World Racketeering Squad
Pissofficer
The Myth Of Modern Medicine
Fatal Inebriation
Noah’s Ark Was A Spaceship
Jaw Potato
“Chicago's jaw dropping jam band”
Oui Si Only You
25 years too late
Where’s The Beef
Numbers 4 U
Sin 4 Sin
6a6y6zus
“ATTENTION A & R’S ! ! ! : LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT MAJOR TO SPONSOR OUR PRODUCTIONS AS AN IMPRINT.”
Good luck!
St8 Of Grace
“The band’s music is focused on alternative and progressive rock, with narrative story telling vocals that give you goose bumps every time you hear them. Featuring today’s rappers and special guest artists for a blend and twist of modern culture.”
925ve
High-fives
No High Fives To Bullshit
The Contact High Five
Food
Righteous Brisket
Dangermuffin
Danielle Ate The Sandwich
Clothing
Smelly Fucking Milkpants
Athletes In Slacks
Fur Coats For Sportsmen
How To Dress Well
Meatbikini
Will never, ever be spelled correctly
Apoptygma Berzerk
Kyklooppien Sukupuutto
Guns
This Town Needs Guns
They’re British, so guns are hard to find.
With A Gun For A Face
(The Ghost Of) Mice And Rifles
Misc.
Feng Shui Ninjas
Bored Straight
Past Blue Rhythm
From Wisconsin, naturally.
Crunk Witch
Nuh Uh
Nervous Virgins
Yum!
Colostomy Bong
Diarrhea Planet
Syphilis Sauna
Creepy
While She Sleeps
The Lecherous Gaze
Kind of genius in its simplicity
The Electric Assholes