Deutsche Bahn [English translation]

Ladies and Gentlemen, the ICE to Frankfurt/Main

Is currently pulling in to the platform opposite from where it normally does

The departure of this train was supposed to be 14:02

But it turns out not to have been because it’s already 14:30

Unfortunately with us, things often go differently to what one would expect

Today we connected the carriages incorrectly

The serialisation of the wagons went just the opposite of as planned

Ssenk ju for trewweling wiss Deutsche Bahn!

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s the stationmaster who is speaking

To speak normally is unfortunately an ability I do not possess

Despite this, you’ll get the service you’ve come to expect from us

First in German and then in English with a heavy accent

Firstly I’d like to recommend the special deal offered by our bistro (without hiding my disgust)

Meatloaf and a softdrink for €7,10

But before you even make your purchase you can look forward to standing in a long queue for it

Ladies and gentleman, thank you for traveling with us

At ridiculous prices

On worn-out tracks

While we thank you for your patience repeatedly and spontaneously

Ssenk ju for trewweling wiss Deutsche Bahn!

Ladies and gentlemen, our current delay is caused by a cow that is standing on the tracks in front of us

But please, please don’t be unhappy with us

We’ve simply been a public enterprise for too long

Should you require the restroom during your journey

We recommend that you clean it yourself before you use it

Best used is a bottle of Dettol liquid soap

Ssenk ju for trewweling wiss Deutsche Bahn!

Ladies and gentleman, thank you for traveling with us

At ridiculous prices

On worn-out tracks

While we thank you for your patience repeatedly and spontaneously

Ssenk ju for trewweling wiss Deutsche Bahn!

Ladies and gentleman

Due to poor service our heating system is currently defunct

But otherwise all our climate control systems are ready to be used at your convenience, although they only work up until 32 degrees Celsius

We have a theory but currently lack any proof:

In winter it gets cold and in summer it gets hot

You can look forward to freezing cold and sweltering heat with us

Ssenk ju for trewweling wiss Deutsche Bahn!

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for traveling with

us

At ridiculous prices

On worn-out tracks

While we thank you for your patience repeatedly and spontaneously

Ssenk ju for trewweling wiss Deutsche Bahn!

• Artist:Wise Guys