Die Philosoffen [English translation]

The man Aristoteles

was stupid, but let me tell you:

He played philosopher

and asked like a little dummy:

"Why is something there,

that wasn't there before?

Hm, that must have a reason..."

Thank you for this discovery!

A man, called Diogenes,

did something naughty,

he had, as everyone knows,

let himself go.

So he lived with bliss

in a thick barrel

and that was a huge win back then –

nowadays, every hobo does that.

The philosophers1

were all drunk.

That's no joke and no envy either,

they were bright2, the entire time.

The philosophers

were all drunk.

If you briefly read their writings,

you notice they sported some vodka.

Truth, at a late hour,

is simply only a barrel with no ground.

But let's be honest:

It gives me hope

that you can make something in life

when you drink.

A man, Schopenhauer,

he makes me really upset,

he had a will,

that he just couldn't satisfy.

He thought that was a scam,

that the world is, as it is.

Well, we all know that –

Schopi became a star for that.

A man with the name Hegel,

he was a real flail,

he could mean something,

and at the same time deny it.

He contradicted himself all the time;

and apparently they found it agile

and then they called this hustle and bustle

pompously dialectic.

The philosophers

were all drunk.

They started the truth in the eye

and were high as balls.

The philosophers

were all drunk.

If you briefly read their writings,

you notice, how thinkers give themselves strength

with a deep look into the glas.

In vino veritas!3

But let's be honest:

It gives me hope

that you can make something in life

when you drink.

A man, it was Platon,

I'll just mention him to you now,

He had the hots for Sokrates,

but Sokrates forbid/didn't want it.

That's why Platon invented a love

that worked with no gears.

Now how should that work...?

You sure have ideas when you're drunk!

The philosophers

were all drunk.

They were filled to the bone,

that's called a sober mind!

The philosophers

were all completely drunk.

If you briefly read their writings,

you notice, they probably smoked pot.

First build a big bag

and then look at the truth.

But let's be honest:

It doesn't give any hope.

I'm affected

and could have a row about it!

Tthen suddenly I realised

the reason of this evil.

The reason why everything went wrong

and they started drinking.

Even when they were this smart –

they were missing something.

Why, what was it?

Why, what do you think? Yes, exactly...

It's difficult to find a woman

in philosophy. But let's be honest:

It would be a lie

to assume that women don't take drugs.

But even so,it is different

than with a man, yes, man.

What could it be?

I think and I think...

For now I need a drink!

1. It's spelled 'Philosophen' instead of 'Philosoffen' in German. They called them 'Philosoffen' in reference to the adjective 'besoffen', which is a slang word for 'drunk'. They glued both words together.2. 'Breit' can be both 'smart' and 'high' in German.3. In vino veritas is a Latin phrase that translates to "in wine [there is the] truth".

• Artist:Wise Guys